February 2012
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“yeah… she had all kinds of orgasms”
– gob bluth
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seems it could be simple, if i could just grow...
watching oscars post show
me: that girl in the middle looks so familiar, who is she?
people in room: no clue.
me: but she really looks familiar! like I know her or something. I just... OH MY GOD! okay! okay, i figured it out.
chris: who is it?
me: I-I don't want to say.
erica: just say it.
me: but it's a porn star.
chris: are you sure?
aaron: oh, I would trust jen's authority on porn stars. she knows her stuff.
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WISH FUNERAL AND NEON BIBLE HAD JUST BEEN A DOUBLE...
there. I finally fucking said it.
it is so nice to get stoned and take a load off of...
“YOU OBVIOUSLY DON’T KNOW MY DOG!”
– Another perfect Parker Posey line from the same scene (via hellnope)
i’m gonna eat tacos and watch Best in Show and drink wine with Charlie, now. wanna come over? haha, jk! i don’t like strangers.
if you don't want to upset someone, then don't do...
facts of life, guys. we all understand this one, right? you all got that? we can move along now? great!
*you could always lie. but i promise that isn’t going to work out very well. if you’re the type of asshole who lies to spare someone’s feelings, consider doing them a solid and tell the truth. you’ll come off as less of an asshole than you actually are, and potentially...
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“What are you, some kind of wizard?”
– Parker Posey says this line in the movie Best In Show and I lose it every single time. She’s so pissed. (via hellnope)
it’s been so long
“if I’m baked bring fun
if I’m naked bring gun”
– accidental poem I just wrote
Brett: I'm just trying to get some French toast.
Me: FRONCH TOAST!
i can’t decide whether i’m too lazy, or if i just don’t care enough, to write this post.
the end.
when you look at your buddy list and see your friend is online and IM her talking about how you’re pretty sure all women should be dead because you watched a documentary the other night about how the human body holds something like 5 pints (lol @ my earlier typo: pita!) of blood and how it didn’t seem like a lot in Ben & Jerry’s terms, but if you were gutted and it all...
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Watchlove my son so much.
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my mom: I have a problem.
me: what is it?
my mom: I couldn't log onto Citibank. it's not working.
me: is it not loading? like the Internet's down?
my mom: no, it just takes too long and I can't sit there.
me: yeah. that's cause you need more RAM.
my mom: ROM?
me: no, that's read only memory. RAM is read access memory, or something. I can't remember. I learned in high school but my brain is too tired right now, for thinking.
my mom: really? they taught you that in high school?
me: yeah, we had to take some computer class, and learn shit — only I didn't.
my mom: I didn't get a computer class in high school! I didn't get to learn about ROM or RAM!
me: k, but, that also didn't exist when you were in high school.
my mom: oh, that's right. I forgot.
you ever feel like you spent a really significant amount of time being sure of something and thought you were so right and that you could never be wrong about it? and other people were right there with you, witnessing it all at the same time and they’d seen exactly what you had seen? — and then one day, you realize that other person wasn’t really there with you? well, they were but,...
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Listen
“You need to learn how to select your thoughts just the same way you select your...”
– Elizabeth Gilbert (via prima-volta)
I can never decide what to wear. so this explains a lot.
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I'm obsessively watching this. →
mama needs a new computer.
muppetpants:
[Due to my inability to find a picture of Jerry Garcia eating a sandwich I have reconsidered the post I was going to blog and decided against it.]
my love for you is boundless
i just want to go live on a boat for a while.
a boat with Internet. and a pizza oven. *and sex.
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everything will be going fine and then in a frantic search for your favorite pair of black socks (which you have 2 pairs of so this shouldn’t be that difficult), you reach inside a suitcase and pull out a Masterlock. the kind for the zippers on backpacks and suitcases, with the little cable loop. you make your own pass code and for some people it’s rocket science, but for some people...
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Plastic surgery does make you look younger, study... →
—@latimes
good job, guys! I guess now we all know why people spend thousands upon millions of dollars for doctors to slice, pull, tuck, inject and laser beam sensitive parts of their bodies/faces together/apart/up/down/(other prepositions). I MEAN, BEFORE THIS WE HAD NO FUCKING CLUE.
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things I thought I didn't have to deal with...
when a guy goes from being your friend/friendly, to being an asshole because he’s realized that you’re not going to sleep with him. like, they were being nice just because they thought maybe there was a chance you’d have sex one day. and to an extent like, OK FINE. regardless of the odds of that ever happening, why do you have to turn into an asshole about it? didn’t you go...
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“Male privilege has been with us for — how long? Ten thousand years? A hundred...”
– Sara Robinson, on “Why Patriarchal Men Are Utterly Petrified of Birth Control — And Why We’ll Still Be Fighting About it 100 Years From Now”
Everyone should read this article. (via coketalk)
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“must be PMS”
– me to myself. I can’t get mad when dudes say “must be that time of the month” because it probably is and they are absolutely right.
