February 2010
January 2010
AND THEN THERE'S THIS →
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Saturday night:
realrealsoft:
Taking over Jen’s housesitting duties so she can go to a Grammy party at Chateau. Mmmrrrggg.
The good news: it’s an awesome place. And I’m going to watch the graduate, eat popcorn with lots of salt on it, read vanity fair, smoke menthols and get nekkid at midnight, jump in the pool and howl at the moon.
I’m a horrible person.
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Have you ever driven somebody else's car to the...
Because that’s what just happened to me. Just now.
This is what happens when you sleep for 4 hours.
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The Sound of Silence - Simon & Garfunkel
If you think I didn't just squirt both of these... →
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Times When Smokers Could Really Use A Cigarette...
tesslynch:
During childbirth
Stuck underwater while SCUBA diving
In the ICU
Mouth taped shut by kidnappers
Lips removed by lip thieves
Confined to a bubble without a lighter
Cursed by gypsies, everything you touch becomes too damp to ignite
Or in my case, while wearing Invisalign.
Straight Teeth > Withdrawal?
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CHOKING SEX
Because brevity and choking sex don’t really go together for what I need to say, I’m typing it here because it’s too long for Twitter. (Posts re: this are here)
I Googled it because I wanted to see if there was some name for whatever the kind of sex is that isn’t erotic asphyxiation because it’s not like you NEED it, you just really fucking like it. But it’s...
What a fucking slut. →
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“Anyway, last night was the first time I ever had to really use a ‘safe-word’....”
– MODERN LUV (via lieslieslies)
This is why we’re friends. This. Right here.
Does anyone look at people's tumblr archives?
I think they are fascinating. Tracking the change and sometimes even “growth” of some people. I don’t know why I put growth in quotes like that. Probably because it’s just sucha word that high school counselors use. That word would never flow out of my mouth. There’d be an awkward half-second stutter if a pause before I said it. That’s not the point.
The point...
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One time I went to Thai Angel and Michael Clarke...
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My Mom just broke Michael Cera down and then...
My Mom: What's that boy's name who impregnates that Juno girl in that movie?
Me: Michael Cera?
My Mom: Yeah, him. He just walked past me.
Me: Oh yeah? On Ambrose?
My Mom: Yeah, he's really small. I thought he'd be bigger in person.
Me: What do you mean small?
My Mom: His body is small.
Me: Small how? Like he's skinny or he's short?
My Mom: Yeah.
Me: Which one?
My Mom: Skinny. Really skinny. Not very attractive at all.
Me: Is he tall?
My Mom: Not really, he's like 5'10 or something. He was walking with a girl, arm and arm, and talking like maybe they're boyfriend and girlfriend. A white girl.
Me: It's always about race with you.
My Mom: Well, she wasn't Asian or Hispanic or anything. But he looks just like he does on screen. And he has a really soft voice. I don't see his appeal.
Me: You should ask him about it.
My Mom: YOU KNOW WHAT? MAYBE YOU SHOULD ASK HIM SOMETHING!
Me: Why are you yelling at me?
My Mom: I don't know, I'm done talking to you.
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tylercoates:
Here’s the thing about having a BLOG, or at least ME having a BLOG and TRYING TO DEAL WITH IT. (Sorry so shouty.)
I don’t like talking about it IRL, especially in non-bloggy contexts. Like work, for example. I try hard to not blog about work, and when I do, I don’t go into specifics, because these are people who definitely have access to it because it’s not super-hidden and I don’t...
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“I like her better when she’s drunk.”
– My mom re: me.
Off That - Jay-Z feat. Drake
FIND ME A PLACE TO...
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I read this and all I could think about was... →
“I want to start an outreach program that teaches people about the diverse uses of chocolate pudding.” - youcankeepthechange
On nationality.
dearcoketalk:
What are your thoughts on dating Persian men?
Based on the overly aggressive, mildly annoying way you submitted this question seventeen times in a row, I’m gonna go ahead and assume that you’re Persian.
I’m also going to assume that what you’re really doing is asking me to speak on behalf of all LA party girls as to why you’re constantly being rejected in the clubs. You’re using...
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“If you give me a gun, I could go on a murder spree, but I won’t because...”
– Jorge, and just to be fair, it was a metaphor for credit cards.
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“You’re skinnier than a snake’s dick.”
– This is why McCarthy and I are friends.
WatchA couple weeks ago I went to a Strike.TV event where they screened a bunch of webisodes and shorts, and this was one of my favorites. I thought I’d share it with you all here.
ALSO, it’s called BUTTFUCKER. So… in case you needed a reason to watch it, there you go.
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“He is going to get judged so harshly, I will be judging from the East coast.”
– LOVE U GUYZ
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My mother is racist.
My mom: Did you know that she likes Chinese guys?
Me: Yes, I did.
My mom: ...Pencil dicks.
[Someone with the last name "King" calls me, my mom sees it on the caller ID]
My mom: Oh, is he black?
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Need this. →
When they say "no, no not that one" ... I can't... →
“You can wish in one bucket and shit in the other and then take the bucket that...”
– (via hmwt)
Clearly, you have never been in a US court room. →
I’m not trying to be snarky with that. Maybe it’s different in Australia, but here, when a judge judges something… it’s as bad as it sounds.
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I'm going to talk about rain and Los Angeles now.
It’s true. About 90% of the already horrible drivers in LA freak the fuck out when it precipitates. I feel like half the people drive with the e-break on. I wouldn’t be surprised. Then there are the douchebags who try to act above the rain and drive like “normal”, or just drive like a douche. A fuckin’ maroon Mazda Miata cut directly in front of me today on the 134. I...
Something related to Los Angeles but not related... →
It involves the consumption of meat.
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Oceans & Streams - The Black Keys
