January 2009
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December 2008
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Magnum Condoms
[Jen is trying to dye her hair but has no gloves. So Jen slides a Magnum Condom down her arm to her elbow. The condom breaks loudly and Jen screams.]
Jen: AHHHHHHHHHH!
Coco: That's what she said!
dyeing.
my hair black. to match my soul. ha ha ha.
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dead says come with me he says(andwhyevernot)into the round well and
see the...
– e e cummings
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Yeah, that’s all you need in your life right now is a 37 year old 12 year...
– Jenna, commenting on the sudden reemergence of the 36-now-37 year old
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Sour Cream!
Jen: .......... things I think have expired.
Coco: Sour cream! I mean.... What is sour cream?
Jen: Wait. What?
Coco: All I heard was, 'Things I think have expired.' so I thought we were playing Jeopardy.
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If I could open up a vein and drain the half of my blood that is yours -...
– Bill, from Big Love
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Everything is a self-portrait. A diary. Your whole drug history in a strand of...
– Chuck Palahniuk (via syntheticpubes) (via sleepanddream) (via delacroix) (via noahkai)
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Conversation between a 50yr old customer and I...
Old customer guy: Finger things? Do you do finger things?
Me: I beg your pardon?
Old customer guy: Dessert things? Do you do those?
Me: I'm going to assume you need a menu.
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ain’t nobody really all that jolly at your happy hour…
– - Sean “Slug” Daly
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Jayzuz
Sam: You and I have always had a love-hate relationship.
Jen: Just like me and shrimp.
Holidaze. I hate the "word" holidaze.
samsmithrecognize:
So the last two days have been filled with Xmas Partying. Fantasia Billiards Xmas party followed by the Holiday Inns party last night. I’ve drank way too much these past couple days. I can’t even remember much of the details about this weekend. I do however remember totally eating it as we walked into Ralphs last night to get some beer. Classic. Man, I hate the word...
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I hate it when...
becktime:
People say “tough toe nails”
Wh-Wait… People say that??
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A short conversation with my last living relative...
Me: Do you think I should cut some bangs?
My Mother: Yeah, maybe it'll make you look thin. It'll cut down on the size of your face.
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Q: What am I?
I go from peaceful and content to insanely energetic and crazywild in nanoseconds.
I don’t know my own strength. All I know is it’s great!
I make messes out of everything and don’t really notice until it’s all over, at which point I sorta just walk away.
I get away with murder — or at least injury.
I don’t realize how much I rely on others because I’m too...
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Rain + Puppy.
When Things Are Taken Out of Context #2
“I go both ways.”
-Me.
Walking to the car...
[Walking to the car.... And from a dead silence...]
Jen: She's a very freaky girl...
Coco: ...the kind you don't take home to mama.
When things are taken out of context. #1
Amy: I've never touched reindeer balls before
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2 minutes and 15 seconds of a 3½ lb bundle of bliss.
because so far it’s all that’s made me smile today.