January 2012
morning children,
I fell asleep in the bathtub last night sometime around 3am. I woke up about fortyish minutes ago, cause I’m guessing that’s how long it takes me to shower. oh also, I shower after siting in my own bath water, regardless the length of time, because I like not being one of those people who smell. also, that’s fucking gross, you basically consolidated your filth and spread it...
spend one hour online.
realize how shitty the Internet is.
unfollow people you like because of who they follow.
Google “california wineries” and never read the results cause you remember that you haven’t seen your suitcase since April.
I’m gonna look for my suitcase now.
“…and by “take 3 tablets daily with a meal,” I’m sure they...”
– bring on the Easter 15
1 tag
copied/pasted
person: once it's on Facebook, it's too real. if it's not on Facebook then it's not really a thing yet
me: I don't have Facebook. I'm real.
person: well, you have a boyfriend you wont cheat on so you don't count anyway
me: wow, your girlfriend is so lucky!!1!!
"so, abortion is not an option?" →
be good to people
if you’re shitty to someone, they’re probably not going to be very happy with you. most likely, their mood will not be a pleasant one. it will probably worsen. because logically, that’s what fucking happens. that’s just how it works. no one actually expects someone to be in any kind of decent mood after being yelled at, belittled or whatever the fuck makes you feel like...
writinginbed asked: Spytap is right. Wurstkuche will make you feel like your blood is flowing with all the atoms of happiness. And that's where our first date should probably be.
Self Absorption at Discount Prices.: "Forever... →
theidiotking:
It’s like daring the universe to keep you from achieving happiness for the rest of your life. “If I say this out loud, there’s no way it’ll ACTUALLY come true, right?” Fuck you. The universe doesn’t owe you shit. You don’t have to go out and The Secret your way through life, loudly proclaiming, “I…
yeah.
1 tag
“it’s been super dry lately. my throat feels like someone fucked it with a...”
– I might be the classiest person you know.
1 tag
I’d fuck me.
“you have the beat morning sleepy voice”
– (love autocorrect)
1 tag
"We believe they're all tied to the same person,"... →
whenever I go hiking, I keep an eye out for dead bodies/parts of dead bodies. I can’t help it, though I’ve yet to find any. which is kind of disappointing. it’s not like I WANT there to be dead bodies. I just want to find the ones which may or may not be there. totally normal.
drinkyourjuice asked: I CAN'T WAIT TO FEMDOPT OUR DAUGHTER THIS WEEKEND! AND BOYROLL OUR SON IN PUBLIC SCHOOLS! AND LADYNEW MY DRIVER'S LICENSE WHEN I GET THE CHANCE!
I have ADHD and will probably end up killing... →
these are my feelings on the DEA, and perhaps the FDA as well, although their involvement isn’t as direct or something. this post is here for no other reason than I have too many thoughts and feelings and suggestions and motherfuck it is frustrating. this article is a great example of how not to handle a problem. to think that the whole quota shit that the DEA has enforced would actually...
tsexrex:
the zombies - time of the season
...
me to the tv: C'MON!TAKE 'EM! TAKE 'EM! TAKE 'EM! TAKE 'EM! OH COME THE FUCK ONNNNNNNN!!!
me to Charlie: not you, honey. in sorry. I love you. it's okay. I'm not mad. youre a good boy, it's okay, Char–
me to the tv: OH, YOU ASSFUCKING SHIT!
1 tag
Facebook, I guess
there are different kinds of people on it. people who “begrudgingly” have it for “necessary” reasons. people who keep in touch with those they went to high school with (MOVE FUCKING ON). those who have a fan page for themselves and use it to keep track of their fan page and promote their fan page and never realize how awful the fact that they have a can page for themselves...
“You know, I think it’s about envy.”
– Mitt Romney on the income gap. Mitt Romney, aka this guy, aka this guy, aka this guy, aka this guy, aka these guys, aka this duck, aka this killer of homeless men, aka this machine construct, aka this. (via chriscantwell)
I think Louis C.K. is my soulmate.
“none of your signature ‘HUUUNNNHHGGHH’?”
– Kevin McCarthy, on news that I went hiking
2 tags
me: I just weighed myself.
mike: did the scale say "skinny as fuuuuck?"
me: yes. it did.
“My biggest complaint about Mitt Romney is he has enough money to build a moat...”
– Joe
“karma’s a bitch. you’re classy. stay that way.”
– the bestest
“This is date rape o clock.”
– (via muppetpants)
michaelthomas asked: remember when we used to hang out all the time? or at least semi-regularly? i miss those days. do you still even live near the area? i leave for two simple years, and return and it's all different. I JUST DONT KNOW THINGS ANYMORE, JEN. show me the mothafuckin light.
Chicks Eating Sausages. →
nudawn:
For Jen.
nudawn knows what matters to my heart and mouth.